Escalation
by profiler20
Summary: Sarah decides to leave Ojaj and a dinner with all the Walker causes some trouble and leads to a very important talk between Sarah and Nora.
1. Chapter 1

So another one from me.

I hope you enjoy this one. And please leave feedback. ;-)

**Escalation**

Chapter 1

After Sarah had talked to Tommy and was now officially not part of Ojaj anymore, Sarah got –half-expected- a very urgent call from Nora who invited her to an only- family dinner tonight,which meant no spouses. Sarah tried to explain to her mother that now wasn´t a good time, that everybody was too unrattled to all get peacefully together, and without spouses,nobody would defuse the situation,but Nora simply said it was important to keep the family together in times like these. Sarah jokingly remarked that not even a hurricane could tear this family apart, but Nora wouldn´t take No for an answer and as usually Sarah folded though with a bad feeling in her stomach.

Like Sarah had expected the dinner turned out to be rather akward. Nobody spoke much and an umcomfortable bruised silence covered the entire dinner. Near the end Justin said only: „An evening without drama. That´s a first for me!"

Nora managed to smile a little and kevin added halfheartedly:"Yeah and it will stay that. A first."

Kitty looked how she often did as if she couldn´t decide what to make of all this and remained with a frown on her forehead and her slowly wandering gaze. Nora seemed to feel similiarly but unlike her daughter her indecisiveness was quite obvious.

She sat at the head of the table, seeked the look of each of her 5 children, opened her mouth numerous times,only to decide otherwise and closed it again. She decorated that with a smile that seemed forced rather than friendly which made all of it even more bizarre.

Justin however dared a short laugh, but fell silent pretty quickly in the face of the general silence.

In fact the only people who seemed rather fixed in their mood where those who made the others so uncomfortable.Tommy and Sarah sat opposite each other, in the middle of the table,enclosed by their siblings.

Sarah almost seemed as if she was somewhere totally different,while Tommy had an expression on his face that was unreadable but continuous and therefore even more unsettling.

While Tomm y stared at Sarah with that look, Sarah as the only one ate obliviously as if everything was okay. She wasn´t looking at anyone but her family knew very well that she was someone who generally didn´t miss a detail and sucked information in as a sponge.

When she was a child,she would occasionally give William detailed reports that reproduced precisely the diverse situations the family members were in. However tactless, she was never. Even as a child she had a very good feeling which news would create a joyful atmosphere and which would unleash a storm to rage through the family. Those she prudently kept to herself.

It was Kitty who declared with a doleful expression at the age of 8 that the valuable paperweight in Dad´s study lay broken to pieces on the floor. And as much she was excited to be able to deliever such important news, she was unprepared in light of the thunderhead that not only gushed on the malefactors Tommy or rather Kevin, but on the whole family.

One could say that Kitty often didn´t consider the consequence, but planned things precisely. Sarah on the other hand was very aware of the outcome and sometimes went too far ahead into how other people might react.

At the moment it seemed Sarah wanted to demonstrate with her subborn eating on when everybody had stopped that she was neither ready to discuss her leaving Ojaj not deal with any possible reactions.

Tommy opposite her grew more and more annoyed bis his sister´s behaviour. While in the beginning he had accepted her silence almost sullenly, as another affront on his person.that was not to be noted, now it was visibly difficult for him to say calm.

Had he glanced at the others before from time to time, now his whole attention was directed at observing Sarah closely.

The tension in the room became more and more tangible until Kevin couldn´t stand it any longer.

„You know what,guys. I hate to break the silence but this is getting ridiculously beyond-"

Sarah dropped her fork with a loud „kling", starred one moment intensively at her plate as if the half-eaten meal could give her some patience,shot an dismissive look at Kevin and finally said with a dagerous under-tone, again directed at her plate:

„It is NOT ME who made this p-e-r-s-o-n-a-l decision of mine into a federal matter. You all act like I just singlehandedly destoryed the whole family business which is-„

„WITH A VERY GOOD CHANCE T-R-U-E!" Tommy aggressively ended her sentence sharply.

„NO IT ISN´T TRUE.Sarah did no such thing!" Nora cut Tommy off quickly and, deeply startled by this sudden outburst of accusation.She slowly moved her arms ujp and down which was supposed to calm everyone down and nip the upcoming conflict in the bud. Nora wasn´t convinced like Tommy that Sarah was at least partly wrong,but she also didn´t understand her daughter´s choice, but when there was so much heat in the air, Nora considered it best to postpone the needed discussion and interfere before the big bang.

Besides Nora noticed that Sarah had turned ashen and her siblings strangely seemed even quieter than they were before – if that was possible.

Eventually Kitty chose to reveal her opinion and spoke with a voice that was supposed to be neutral and still friendly:

„I,um, know everyone´s upset."

Tommy muttered:"Tell me about it."

„But I think we should all remember that this primarily doesn´t affect all of us except Sarah and Tommy –after a look over to Nora- and maybe Mom, too. What I´m trying to suggest is to let them work this out ,just them and we ...um... continue dinner!"

Sarah a second ago still with a deep frown on her forehead now rolled her eyes and said slightly aggressively:

„You know what,Kitty,why don´t YOU go and... just work things out with whoever is willing to listen and I´ll leave in peace."

Again Nora got in: „Oh please. Don´t get it on with Kitty now. This is-."

Sarah: Mom. „All I wanted was-."

But Nora was unstoppable as usual: Sarah, you ARE making this into one big fight, which is so understandable but we haven´t even talked this through properly-."

Now it was Sarah´s turn to interrupt her mother:

„There is nothing to talk through.I made a decision and now none of you, absolutely noone, can accept that. You all think that all I am is being stubborn and spiteful,but even though you will never believe it, I had my reasons. Some that might not matter to you, but they do to me."

Sarah closer unusually dramatically for her. With a glowing glance she gazed around the table. Noone said anything and except Nora everyone had suffered a snub and Tommy also looked furious. Kitty was the only one who looked somehow superior, as if all that wasn´t new to her and as if she was simply spooked by the sudden outburst of her older sister.

Nora seemed quiet displeased, but her gaze was missing the will to fight. Instead she was worried and she said gently: „Sarah.." and reached for Sarah´s hand, but Sarah pulled her hand away, didn´t look her mother in the eyes, but seemed to fight with herself. Eventually she pushed back her chair,the uncomfortable sound was the only noise in the room. Sarah now hurried to get up to leave the room.

Nora´s gaze followed her tall daughter out of the room.

She emanated dignity and competence, but also was very controlled. Still Nora knew her daughter well enough to know that this was just a cover or say a shadow of what normally was. The last years had taught Nora not to take strong emotional releases lightly as the death of her beloved father and role model and particularly his decade-long affair with Holly Harper had left scars on Sarah´s life and feelings.

Sarah´s perception of the world had been tested amendments had to be made that were hard to adjust with Sarah´s regular view of the world.

When Nora now thought of Joe, Rebecca and the divorce, she noticed that not just all parts of Sarah´s former life came to an end, but that it all began with her father´s death. After Sarah´s marriage had ended, she had eventually given up her old job at the family business.

Although Sarah was an independent assertive woman, Nora knew that there were things that were just unalterable... they even had to be, because then Sarah would have to question all the other parts that were build on the first unalterable fact. When that happened, it became apparent that despite her exterior strength, Sarah was sensitive to shades and nuances and also was vulnerable in certain areas.

Nora was still deep in thought and looked confused when Tommy said loudly:

„I will talk to her I´m going to put an end to this.I-."

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Fragen zur Büro-Organisation: Chapter 2

Nora quickly got up and talked gently but insistingly to Tommy:

„You have to calm down first. I will take care of this. Sarah does´t need any more fighting so I´ll find her!"

Kevin and Kitty disbelievingly opened their mouths at the same time, but Nora was faster: „And no discussion!"

Taken by surprise Kevin and Kitty looked at each other. As soon as Nora had left the room though, there was no more holding back and an exciting babble of voices rose. Nora walked away shaking her head but with a little smile. This was how she knew them since forever.

She breathed deeply and while she poured herself a glass of water in the kitchen, she wondered where he oldest might have gone to and what she would say to her to break through her defensive closeness and restore her normally deep-felt trust in the family. But where had Sarah gone?

Nora knew Sarah wouldn´t just disappear. She had done that the last time when she was still a child and since that never again.

It was however typical for her to withdraw, to wait from the distance, but still stay close enough to be able to help if anything unexpectantly happened.

Sarah was without a doubt a complicated woman but if there was something Sarah had internalized completely, it was a sense of duty and to care responsibly for the welfare of her loved ones. Her own sadly often was put on hold in the process and Nora was had the hollow feeling this time Sarah had actually helped herself by leaving Ojaj and at the same time unwillingly threw the rest of the family off track.

A fact that clearly showed why Sarah so often prrefered to make everyone else satisfied but cut back her own needs.

Nora absolutely wanted to prove to her daughter that she completely had her back and didn´t condemn her decision but thought she was completely capable of carring her life in her own hands.

Sometimes Nora´s children strangely assumed they had to account to their mother, when in reality all she wanted was to take part in joy and sorrow equally.

Since her children´s father had died, Nora had tried with all her might to deal with the diverse set of problems most of them resulting from William´s death but had to admit more and more that it wasn´t possible to defuse all fights, to alleviate all the pain.

In the meantime Nora had walked through the entire first and second floor and found herself back where she had started,in the kitchen.

She peeked out of the window into the pitchblack night, almost no stars to see.

Nora was creeped pver by an undefined feeling, that possibly the darkness and quietness of the night may have been appealing to Sarah. She stepped outside in the back of the garden where the pool was in which William had found his death 2 years ago. One moment she looked lost in her thoughts into the still water,where all their lives had lost ist familiar,rather peaceful cycle and a time of painful discoveries and boiling up conflicts had began.

A clicking noise behind her brought Nora backl into reality and when she turned around, she saw Sarah emerge from the shadows.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Both women stood opposite and eyed each other but weren´t suspicious.

Nora looked into her daughter´s face that was marked by the last few weeks that had forced her in some difficult positions. Hair was blown into Sarah´s face but she didn´t try to get them back erratically like she normally did, but showed a little sympathetic smile and in a wordless agreement mother and daughter sat down on the edge of the pool. Sarah put of her shoes and let her legs slip into the water,shuddered a bit,then with her arms leaned on the pool edge turned to look at Nora next to her.

Nora returned her look ful of warmth and finally broke the silence:

„Oh Sarah." She strokes Sarah´s hair and sighed. „All of this is so hard for you, isn´t it?"

Sarah cleared her throat and said half-serious and half-unnaturally sniveling:

„Oh yes, it all certainly is hard for me. The hits just... keep on coming and I´m not really talking about tonight."

Nora bent her head empathetically but than reached for Sarah´s arm, squeezed it and looked with her knowing-Nora look directly in Sarah´s eyes:

„I know they do. Yes. But you don´t have to do this."

Sarah looked clueless.

„Have this guard on all the time! You and... yes, Kevin have this thing where it´s absolutely impossible to just let go and trust, give away some control, some responsibilities! Sarah, instead of taking care of people around you, for once, let others take care of you, for a change.

Sarah pulled her legs out of the water, enclosed them with her arms and blinked insecurely over to her mother, who was watching her expectantly.

„Look. I´m not really sure what you mean. Sure, me,Kevin,Kitty...we all take care of each other. That´s what we do, what we always did. And frankly isn´t it what families are supposed to do, what they are there for? And you... YOU are head of the taking-care-of-one-another brigade. You are, you always were our rolemodel. You exemplified it by your way of living! You did! You even –taught- us to."

Now it was Sarah who fixated Nora with a clear look who answered almost amused:

„Sarah, you´re misunderstanding me.I cherish and support with all my heart compassion and to look after each other.Of course I do. No doubt.

But, Sarah you´ve got to understand me. There is a healthy amount of edication to family, but you got to stick up for yourself and it seems to me, in the past few years, you have forgor how to do that!"

„But Mom! I just made a decision solely for me and I was never a push-around if that´s what you mean!"

Nora nodded affirmatively: „Yes. That´s true. But when was the last time you did that? I wouldn´t be able to say, but that´s not the point. The point is now that you begin to live your own life again, do something for yourself, you feel bad and isolated and accused by everybody!"

Sarah now got up, slightly irritated and growingly agitated:

„Mom, I´m having a hard time making sense of what you say. I haven´t lived someone else´s life in the past years! I was not hiding or opressing my real personality. I... How can you say all that? Just because sometimes I get lost into family matters a bit? That is ridiculous!"

Now it was Nora cue to get to her feet and face Sarah.

„Sarah, you have to see that what you say is not entirely true. Since your father died, all you did was trying to lead the company in his spirit. Oh and save it first. And you suceed but you lost your husband on the way!"

„Joe and I were a totally different story. That had hardly to do with Ojaj or only partly. I don´t-"

„Sarah you´re not as ignorant as that. You left North Light to have more time to be with your family and then everything went crazy when William suddenly died.

Sarah, what about Ryan? You told me he existed but was it really necessary for YOU to get into that –again? Your constantly distracting from your own life. Why is that?"

Sarah now was so taken aback that she could hardly spoke:

„I--I don´t –even-know-what-to say to this. I-I-I just wanted to finally have a family without dark secrets left by the dead patriarch! To uncover them once and for all, but you... "

In this moment Sarah obviously finally realized something and started to talk very angrily and very quickly:

„What about you? How come you´re talking about „distracting from your own life" when all YOU ever did was raise us kids and deal with everybody rvjvk lbut yourself! Oh us, your precious children,Dad,Saul and Dad. When did you ever do anything for yourself? Oh you´re doing that now! Now when there is no Dad to be occupied with 24/7, no Kitty to have endless discussions about politics with when she arrives all needy to unload on someone. No Tommy to show you how good and supportive he is. No Kevin whom you can admire for his wit and for his bravery to be different. Oh and of course no Justin who needs Mommy all the time because he´s sooo sensitive, not troubled what everyone says! Yeah now´s the time for making speeches about –healthy- concentrating on others! Well, from where do you think I got it?

It had been a long time ago when Sarah had got this upset with her mother and both Sarah and Nora were stunned and frightened by it, but Nora still knew it was no teenage-like outburst she had witnessed. It was the truth but unfiltered and dramatisized in a way that love and devotion became pathological obsession.

Nora sunk faintly into the grass, her brown eyes wide-open filled with a resignated acception of the unflattering truth.

Sarah who was almost as shocked as Nora by her own bluntness, her own hurtful words sat down opposite her mother, and said remorseful:

„Mom, I´m sorry,I said that. I never meant to. It just came out. I was so humiliated by your words. I ...I simply apologize."

Nora who had stared at her knees looked up to Sarah´s worried eyes and said heavily:

„I know you didn´t set out to hurt me. Or even if you did, it wasn´t planned, it resulted –sighs- from this comversation. I´m not angry, just unsettled because if you´re right and it seems you are, then I´m to blame for your troubles dealing with yourself."

Sarah almost started to laugh:

„Mom, when will you stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong in my life, in Justin´s, in all our lives? We´re not kids anymore. We make a choices, we have our demons and some may have to do with you, with Dad, but that´s normaly. Nobody´s perfect, especially no parents. Nobody knows that better as I am considering my own often poor job as a mother."

Nora made a brushing off hand movement, saying:

„Sarah, how many times do I have to tell you, you´re a great Mom, the best Mom!"

Sarah simply answered:

„How many times do I have to tell you, YOU are the best Mom?"

They both laughed and fell relieved into each other´s arms and after a while Sarah said: „Just don´t confront me with my demons. I don´t do well- with that."

Nora answered: „Oh yeah. I learned that tonight, but you know what, honey? Someone´s gotta force you, right?

Sarah smiled, but with a little frown on her forehead: „Yes, if I don´t do it, someone else does. That´s how this family obviously works."

Nora and Sarah were watching the few stars for a while, then went back in, both reconcioled with each other but both had a somewhat dark feeling something very basic of their personality had been stirred up and maybe was now ready to haunt them until they would dare to deal with it.

The End

Please leave feedback!! That means so much to me. I need that. So pleeease. ;-)


End file.
